The Punisher (2004) Review

“Upset? Is that the word? I used to get upset. When I got a flat tire, when a plane was delayed. I used to get upset when the Yankees won the series. So if that's what upset means, what am I feeling now? If you know the word, tell me because I don't.”
   Frank Castle AKA the Punisher is one of the better Marvel comic book heroes. He is anti-heroic, dark, violent, and a vigilante. Most Marvel heroes, like Spiderman, Iron Man, Ghost Rider, and Captain America, all have special powers or gifts to fight crime. The Punisher’s fighting method is straightforward… guns and knives! Nothing extraordinary or incredible, he is just a gun-toting vigilante.  With every comic book character there is soon to be a movie update. And what do we get with the film “The Punisher”? Well we get a pathetic worthless film that is an insult to the Punisher. How could they mess this film up? Just a straight up action film and somehow Hollywood messed it up. I remember my friend saying that the punisher makes Batman and Robin look like Titanic.
    “The Punisher” had millions of flaws, but let’s begin with the dialog. The dialog was weak and extremely unimaginative. The back-story was changed. The comic back-story was perfectly believable. So since the back-story was changed, they had to change the reason why his family gets killed. The villains in the film appear at Castle’s family reunion and they slaughter everybody BUT the guy they came to execute in the first place.  Also “The Punisher” is based in New York, not Florida. New York is tremendous since its dark, rough, and full of crime. Florida is hot and sunny, but it is full of crazy people. Florida was a ludicrous option since the last time I checked Tampa was not the source of criminal activity.  Yeah the delivery was quite pathetic.
    So the dialog was badly written and badly delivered. The acting should be better, right? Wrong! The characters were all so wooden.  The villains were somewhat amusing though, seeing how they all look over the age of sixty. The Russian, he’s humongous, muscular, and he looks like a cartoon character in his bright red and white lined shirt… so basically Popeye the sailor man. Next there’s the singing hitman from Memphis. Come on, he can’t even sing! Lastly there’s Travolta’s character, which cannot be taken seriously as the villain because he’s so over the top.
    The Punisher is one of the worst adaptations based on a comic book, after Daredevil and fantastic four of course.  It was all-wrong.  For those people who liked this film, they don’t know the character well. It’s like Captain America without his shield.  The Punisher should be serious, not funny or depressed over family drama. He doesn’t influence the bad guys into killing themselves. He’s a killer. He’s never into head games merely in pulling the trigger to his gun.
   There are very few films I completely hated in my life. Daredevil, X-Men Origins: Wolverine, Twilight, Timeline, 8MM, Batman and Robin, to name a few, and this film is right along with them. The Dolph Lundgren film was even more superior to this garbage. If I sought after to see a film about a tormented soul looking for something and tender agonizing moments, I’d have gone to see a psychologist.  I was trying to watch a film about the Punisher. This should have been the easiest Marvel film to create; yet it ended up being one of the worst ones. How is that possible?!  Please, do yourself a kindness and don’t even bother.

0 out of 5