The Hulk (2003) Review

  “You know what scares me the most ? When it happens, when it comes over me... and I totally lose control, I like it.”
    Many people remembered Ang Lee for `Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon’, which countless people believe it to be the finest martial arts film ever created. It left such big shoes to fill, even for Lee. He was even dubbed `America’s best director’. Ang Lee always loved presenting humanity and human imperfection in his stories as he has done many times before. Almost every film he has done was poetic in every way shape or form. Three years after `Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon’ and two years before `Brokeback Mountain’ he made a film people would very soon forget, it was none other than the Hulk.
   I was excited when I heard that there was going to be a Hulk film, seeing how I was a hardcore fan of the Billy Bixby/Lou Ferrigno television show `The Incredible Hulk’. I was even more pumped when I heard Ang Lee was going to direct it because he is a phenomenal director. When I saw the film I was highly disappointed. This could have been an incredible film. Ang Lee really let me down.
  The film starts out extremely slow! The opening sequence was the beginning of the back-story, which continued for half of the film. The back-story should not go further than the opening credits. Lee directs to devote too much time in the back-story, which isn’t even needed. I was sitting in my seat questioning when the film was actually going to start. The first actual Bruce Banner to Hulk transformation was about fifty-five minutes into the film. By the time the Hulk finally appears, the audience was bored. This is a two hour and twenty minute film and only about twenty minutes of the whole film was action. For a film simply titled ‘Hulk’ there is just a little bit of the hulk in the film. Ang Lee might be a gifted visionary of film, but surely not with this film. `Hulk’ is just so dreadful. The acting, the music, the directing, the cinematography, the plot, and just everything were so awful in this film. Hulk has too much talking and not enough of smashing. The film can possibly cure insomnia If you want to see a great Ang Lee film, watch `Lust, Caution’ or Life of Pi.

1 out of 5

Ghost Rider DOUBLE REVIEW

 “ The thing about legends is... sometimes, they're true.”

   Ghost Rider is hilarious! The most I’ve laughed in ages, horrendously and uncontrollably funny, which is tremendously appalling seeing how it’s unplanned humor.  Ghost Rider has laughable yet appalling performances, horrifying plot, god-awful action sequences, terrible dialogue, and even more appalling performances.  If you enjoy films that are so appalling that they make you laugh, Ghost Rider shall surely deliver.
    Nicolas Cage has really never truly been a talented actor, there has only been one great film he was in and that was “Raising Arizona”. He was not fit for the Ghost Rider at all. He was so stiff it’s no surprise his head burst into flames. He acted as if he was a miserable guy on drugs throughout the film. I do believe Cage was and still is tormented by the curse of the Oscar through appearing only in terrible films continuously. Now to the co-stars! Eva Mendes cannot act and neither can her breasts. She wasn’t even pleasing on the eyes for the reason that she looked as if she required a bath all the way through the film. You can’t feel the love connection between her and Cage. The villains were feeble and both badly cast. Peter Fonda was not frightening; he does not present a real fight or even a dilemma.  Fonda’s “nice bike” line fell flat with the audience for Ghost Rider seeing how almost certainly none of them have ever seen his cult classic “Easy Rider”. Wes Bentley has the looks of Satan’s son, but not the ability to act. He was a very weak actor for the role.
  Then there is the story… there isn’t one. We get some useless excuse of a story. Trust me even “Batman and Robin” had a much better story and screenplay.  This film does nothing for the audience.
   The ending makes you flinch and want to lash out at the screen. In the end, the Ghost Rider killed Satan’s son by giving him many souls and then stares at him deep in the eyes, BOOM HE’S DEAD and that was the end to the Ghost Rider films; oh no wait there is a sequel!!
Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance
   This sequel makes the first Ghost Rider film look like “Titanic”. Completely everything about this film was dreadful. Awful from all perspectives; story was unintelligible, the characters were terrible, the action was blurred and confusing, the special effects caused many viewers to get headaches, the costumes and props were below par, the cinematography was rubbish, and everything else I didn’t mention was disappointingly made.
  They changed the personality of the Ghost Rider. Instead of the chill and strong-minded character, they made him more mentally ill than the Joker! He was psychotic, aggressively brutal, and looked like he was pumped up on drugs throughout this terrible sequel. Peter Fonda didn’t come back; as an alternative we get some plump older guy representing the devil. Why not just get rid of Cage all together and let Christopher Nolan reboot Ghost Rider like he did for Batman?
    Halfway through the film I got up and asked for my money back, which hardly ever happens. Then I decided to see “The Secret World of Arrietty” again.
    Watching many hours of Cage’s facial tics does not make a movie franchise. The Ghost Rider films make it right up there with other terrible Marvel superhero films such as the Fantastic Four films, Daredevil, The Punisher, and the Hulk. This film won’t change your life at all, but you’ll walk out the cinema smiling knowing that you were cheated out of your money.

Ghost Rider- 0 out of 5

Ghost Rider Spirit of Vengeance- 0 out of 5

The Punisher (2004) Review

“Upset? Is that the word? I used to get upset. When I got a flat tire, when a plane was delayed. I used to get upset when the Yankees won the series. So if that's what upset means, what am I feeling now? If you know the word, tell me because I don't.”
   Frank Castle AKA the Punisher is one of the better Marvel comic book heroes. He is anti-heroic, dark, violent, and a vigilante. Most Marvel heroes, like Spiderman, Iron Man, Ghost Rider, and Captain America, all have special powers or gifts to fight crime. The Punisher’s fighting method is straightforward… guns and knives! Nothing extraordinary or incredible, he is just a gun-toting vigilante.  With every comic book character there is soon to be a movie update. And what do we get with the film “The Punisher”? Well we get a pathetic worthless film that is an insult to the Punisher. How could they mess this film up? Just a straight up action film and somehow Hollywood messed it up. I remember my friend saying that the punisher makes Batman and Robin look like Titanic.
    “The Punisher” had millions of flaws, but let’s begin with the dialog. The dialog was weak and extremely unimaginative. The back-story was changed. The comic back-story was perfectly believable. So since the back-story was changed, they had to change the reason why his family gets killed. The villains in the film appear at Castle’s family reunion and they slaughter everybody BUT the guy they came to execute in the first place.  Also “The Punisher” is based in New York, not Florida. New York is tremendous since its dark, rough, and full of crime. Florida is hot and sunny, but it is full of crazy people. Florida was a ludicrous option since the last time I checked Tampa was not the source of criminal activity.  Yeah the delivery was quite pathetic.
    So the dialog was badly written and badly delivered. The acting should be better, right? Wrong! The characters were all so wooden.  The villains were somewhat amusing though, seeing how they all look over the age of sixty. The Russian, he’s humongous, muscular, and he looks like a cartoon character in his bright red and white lined shirt… so basically Popeye the sailor man. Next there’s the singing hitman from Memphis. Come on, he can’t even sing! Lastly there’s Travolta’s character, which cannot be taken seriously as the villain because he’s so over the top.
    The Punisher is one of the worst adaptations based on a comic book, after Daredevil and fantastic four of course.  It was all-wrong.  For those people who liked this film, they don’t know the character well. It’s like Captain America without his shield.  The Punisher should be serious, not funny or depressed over family drama. He doesn’t influence the bad guys into killing themselves. He’s a killer. He’s never into head games merely in pulling the trigger to his gun.
   There are very few films I completely hated in my life. Daredevil, X-Men Origins: Wolverine, Twilight, Timeline, 8MM, Batman and Robin, to name a few, and this film is right along with them. The Dolph Lundgren film was even more superior to this garbage. If I sought after to see a film about a tormented soul looking for something and tender agonizing moments, I’d have gone to see a psychologist.  I was trying to watch a film about the Punisher. This should have been the easiest Marvel film to create; yet it ended up being one of the worst ones. How is that possible?!  Please, do yourself a kindness and don’t even bother.

0 out of 5

Daredevil (2003) short sweet Review

“Violence doesn't discriminate. It hits all of us... the rich, the poor, the healthy, the sick. It comes as cold and bracing as a winter breeze off the Hudson. Until it sinks into your bones... leaving you with a chill you can't shake. They say there's not rest for the wicked. But what about the good? The battle of Good vs. Evil is never-ending... because evil always survives... with the help of evil men. As for Daredevil, well... soon the world will know the truth. That this is a city born of heroes, that one man CAN make a difference.”
    As a kid I read a lot of DC comics, but when I dived into Marvel there were only a few of their heroes I liked, such as: Daredevil, Punisher, and Captain America to name a few. So I was thrilled when I heard there was going to be Daredevil film coming out. Oh how I was not prepared for the big disappointment that followed. When those credits rolled I was quite full of anger because Daredevil lacked character, was dull and stiff, and wasn’t likable at all like he is in the comics. I blame Ben Affleck’s terribly pathetic acting skills.  It felt like he was simply reading off his cue cards word for word. All the other actors were the same way.
   Seemed like everyone involved with the film wanted it to fail. The directing was terrible along with that script. Then they decided to repeatedly copy “The Matrix” with the slow motion. It became bothersome after the first minute of it. Not to mention it all looked fake with that CGI they were using. So throughout this whole film I was sitting in my seat wanting it to be over. I was hoping that all the characters got into one big fight and killed each other. The film had so much potential and Hollywood once again screwed it up.
Theatrical Cut 1.1 out of 10

Directors Cut 1.3 out of 10

MY NEIGHBOR TOTORO (1988) Review

    On a dreary night at home I begin to scan through my overly large dvd collection, trying to figure out what to watch. Suddenly, I stop and begin to grin as I pull out “My Neighbor Totoro” from my animated section.  This is pretty usual for me.

    Two sisters, Satsuki and Mei, move into an aged house in the Japanese countryside with their loving father because it’s close to the hospital where their mother is sick. They are not the only ones in the house though. Small, fluffy, black balls of soot disperse each and every corner of the walls; they only run away from laughter. Finally, the Totoros themselves, enormously lovable small creatures (they’re a hybrid between a raccoon, rabit, owl, guinea pig, and cat) carrying acorns and making tress grow at night. There is even a gigantic Totoro who sleeps beneath a tree, so cuddlesome and calm, who also grins like a Cheshire cat. The gigantic Totoro always lends a hand to others in trouble.

    “My Neighbor Totoro” is pure delight and amusement; from the score to the animation, from the adored Totoro to the Necko-Bus, this film excels and fascinates. The imaginative pictures make the film seem like a beautiful vision. There are so many magnificent scenes and nearly everyone will lawfully point to the brilliant bus stop scene as the centerpiece scene, and with no hesitation it’s my favorite scene in the film too, and so many additional comparable scenes where only a few words are spoken. Disney animated films are frequently too impatient to produce an atmosphere like this. The settings, background, noises, and sounds are extraordinary. The voice actors did marvelous job.

    Is this a kid’s film? Well yes, of course it is. Is this a film for adults? Well yes, because it brings out our inner child. “My Neighbor Totoro” is special because it lets the viewer be free to be a child again and it helps reflect the world through a point of view that they possibly have forgotten.  It shows us that we live in a magical place and it’s positively worth captivating the time to be thankful for this. We may not have a neighbor like Totoro, but we are all lucky in other ways. Each of us has something to love, something that transports joy and reassurance.

  “My Neighbor Totoro” is not tied up by any of the established systems of storytelling. Instead, it presents incidences that feel on a essential human level that is so deep and philosophical that it will have you feeling a variety of emotions. There are so many numerous levels to this film, each one significant and extraordinary.  It captures the childhood innocence that we all lose to soon nowadays. The humor in this film makes kids laugh and also the adults will laugh in addition to appreciating it, without it being “adult humor”.  This film is a true classic of animation better than any other Disney or animated film ever created,  like The Iron Giant, Toy Story, Akira, Howl’s Moving Castle, Beauty and the Beast, yet “My Neighbor Totoro” will always remain my favorite.  It’s sacred, magical, authentic, unique, simple, lighthearted, poetic, emotional, and humorous. “My Neighbor Totoro” will appeal like few animated films can. What more can be said about this great film? Get this film without delay, you won’t be sorry.

10 out of 10